


There, Still There, Gone

by survivalinstinctvalkyria



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Graduation, I Tried, M/M, My First AO3 Post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-01 09:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14517933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/survivalinstinctvalkyria/pseuds/survivalinstinctvalkyria
Summary: Graduation has come far too quickly. He barely feels as if he is on the cusp of adulthood - freedom, independence, and all that it entails - and yet he stands here ready to be whisked away into a brutally cold and vengeful world.He wonders if this is how his seniors felt when they graduated. Lonely and unsure of themselves. Although he really has no right to say he feels unsure of his future. College abroad, maybe a few idol performances (if he's lucky), and all the work that being the heir to his parents’ company has in store for him. That's the life that has been laid out for Tsukasa.Taking a deep breath, he stands when he hears his name called, and walks towards the podium.





	1. My King

**Author's Note:**

  * For [izukasa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/izukasa/gifts).



> My sister and a friend beta'd this, but I'm not sure it's perfect. This is for gyaxa on IG.

Graduation has come far too quickly. He barely feels as if he is on the cusp of adulthood - freedom, independence, and all that it entails - and yet he stands here ready to be whisked away into a brutally cold and vengeful world.

 

He wonders if this is how his seniors felt when they graduated. Lonely and unsure of themselves. Although he really has no right to say he feels unsure of his future. College abroad, maybe a few idol performances (if he's lucky), and all the work that being the heir to his parents’ company has in store for him. That's the life that has been laid out for Tsukasa.

 

Taking a deep breath, he stands when he hears his name called, and walks towards the podium.

 

* * *

 

 

Fingers deftly trace over the words imprinted within the book. English is a rather charming language to Tsukasa. At least with words like _ethereal, ephemeral, wallowing, euphoria, iridescent, mellifluous, hiraeth,_ and _limerence._ Limerence, in particular, has caught his attention, and his gazes crosses over an underlined sentence.

 

   _'Even though I do not understand him one bit, my feelings of what can only be described as limerence towards him seem to have carried me away to my own dream land. I feel some sort of longing to be held within his arms, something like hiraeth - something so heart wrenching, I feel quite ready to break - but, nevertheless, I distill these iridescent fantasies of mine.’_

 

What a hopeless romantic the writer must be, to use such pretty words when describing something so painful. Although thoughts like these often cross Tsukasa's mind whenever he reads this excerpt, the page is dog-eared, and has a little slip of paper tucked into it by the spine of the book.

 

Summer is a lonely time for Tsukasa, even with all the concerts Leo and Ritsu have been dragging him to. At those concerts, he can exercise the use of even more pretty words - _aria, concerto, fantasia, verismo_ \- so he doesn't complain. He's rather happy spending these ephemeral moments with his upperclassmen, particularly Leo.

 

This fondness towards Leo, he has held it since his first year at Yumenosaki, when his leader was still repeatedly forgetting his newest knight’s name.

 

 _(If I win… For now, I will have you call me not by “Newbie” but by my name._ _  
_ _Let us start from a self-introduction, long-awaited King of Knights. Repeat after me… My name is Tsukasa Suou. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.♪)_

 

That's what he had said to his foolish leader when he dared to try and and lay siege on his own castle. Do not get involved with maniacs, his family had told him, and yet he still wanted to get closer to Leo, to truly understand him. Sighing, he reaches for another sip of tea, letting his soft breath flow over the cup’s lip.

 

It’s still far too hot, _scorching_ he'd say, with pretty English that would draw a laugh from Arashi, a hum from Ritsu, and loud, adoring screams from his fans. Seeing as he's going to be studying in America, it makes sense for him to try and brush up on his vocabulary, and he has no gripes rereading paragraph after paragraph of words arranged prettily on the pages, almost dancing with liveliness.

 

Sometimes, he reads poetry, letting the rhymes and rhythm of the various poems he's read whisk him far away. Particularly, he likes _'O’ Captain, My Captain!’_ by the late Walt Whitman. It reminds him of Leo somewhat, although based on what he knows about American history, Abraham Lincoln was nothing like the chaotic being that is Leo, unable to ever truly get his point across.

 

Letting the transience he is living in slip by, he sighs and allows idyllic daydreams and fantasies fill the void where there is no Leo for him to sing with or scold.

 

* * *

 

 

Pinpointing why he fell in love with Leo has always been hard for him. Surely it would be much, much easier - and reasonable - were he to conclude that he despises Leo.

 

At first, he had been reluctant to admit to himself that it was much more than a childish crush, yet he still allowed it grow.

 

Leo’s music was not simply an arrangement of sounds to him, it had been something containing it's own wild liveliness, only content to live through music. Scrolling through his playlists, he chooses a song from his playlist titled _'Leader’_ (he still has yet to fix it- actually, he still has yet to decide it needs to be fixed). This song has lyrics, and Leo’s voice caramelizes the air surrounding Tsukasa. Desires to protect and hold the listener close seep from his voice, as if this whole song is a plea for attention. The fact that Leo composed this specifically for him makes his heart jolt.

 

Leo is far more than he lets on.

 

* * *

 

Only when he's standing at the airport, waiting in line for his luggage to be checked, does Tsukasa realize what he's leaving.

 

Sure, he's had opportunities to reach out to Leo, like he has for the others, but it's different. Afraid of saying too much and regretting it, and then afraid of saying too little and regretting it, he finds himself unable to truly reach out to his former king. Even if they meet, even if their hands brush, and their voices form in harmony, Tsukasa can't ever reach out far enough, or proclaim loud enough, how he truly feels. He's drowning, he realizes, and the surface of the water seems miles away from him.

 

Opening his phone, he spies a voicemail, from Leo, no less. Annoyed slightly, by the lateness of the call, he huffs to himself. Knowing that whatever Leo called about was probably lost within the first second of the call, and that he's about to listen to some sort of incoherent rambling, he checks to make sure that the line in front him is long, before hitting _'listen’._

 

“Hey, Suo! We haven't talked properly in while, so I wanted to call you even though it's late! I just wanted to say this before I gave up, so listen well, okay?”

 

Tsukasa nearly drops his phone as the rerecording of Leo finishes.


	2. My Knight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magic. Tsukasa is the embodiment of magic. Grand, and ethereal, with just a hint of playfulness and stubbornness, he encapsulates all of the mysteriousness and charm of fantastical spells and hexes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still his birthday in my timezone, so happy birthday, Leo! I hate writing actual interactions, kill me. The interactions here are pretty... awkward, I think. This fic is no longer dedicated to Alicia because she left LeoKasa for Izukasa.
> 
> I think I formatted it better.

Magic. Tsukasa is the embodiment of magic. Grand, and ethereal, with just a hint of playfulness and stubbornness, he encapsulates all of the mysteriousness and charm of fantastical spells and hexes.

Inspiration flows from him, it emanates from him, and Leo always finds himself wanting to return to him for more. Lead breaking as Leo presses too hard into his paper, the pencil all but gives in to him. Cursing, Leo moves to replace his pencil, selecting one with some random English word on it. His mind drifts back to Tsukasa, and he's sending the younger boy a picture of the pencil within a second, asking for a translation.

 _'Epiphany,’_ Tsukasa tells him, _'a moment of realization. Much like your sudden bursts of 'inspiration’._

Replying with a thank you - and an alien emoji for good measure - Leo rereads the word on the pencil. More valuable than he originally thought, as if almost impress him with its mere presence. It's inspiring-

And with that, Leo's hand becomes bound to pen, and ink turns to melodies, jubilantly dancing across the page.

* * *

Another masterpiece, that's what he's made. Maybe, he'll write lyrics for it, and paste it into some sort of an album with the one he wrote for Tsukasa's birthday. _An Ode to my Favorite Knight_? Does that sound like a good title? It's romantic, in a sense, but he doesn't want to put his other knights down all the same.

Lately, Leo has been having no trouble at all composing. Inspiration flows steadily from his fingertips into the pen, and forms concertos on page after page. It's wonderful, really. Sometimes, however, Leo's inspiration possesses him, and he ends up being babied by Izumi or Arashi, or, God forbid, Tsukasa.

Taking a break, he turns to his phone. The background is a cute selfie he took with the rest of Knights when they were in a post live haze. It's cute, especially with how embarrassed Tsukasa looks. Ritsu's texted him, he realizes, and he presses down on the notification to see why.

A video is what graces him. Hitting it absentmindedly, he ponders what Ritsu could possibly be sending him. 

 _“Su-chan, we're recording, so don't screw up, 'kay?”_ Ritsu says, voice slightly distorted by the recording. Visibly swallowing, Tsukasa nods. Mouthing out a _1, 2, 3_ in English (which is way more adorable than it should be), he lets his fingers press down onto the keys.

It's too soft - Leo realizes that first. Lacking confidence, he hesitates to press down on the keys. The song is familiar he thinks, as well as the notion of relating it to Tsukasa. When Tsukasa presses down on one key particularly firmly, and it resounds in perfect clarity, Leo has a- what's the word? _Epiphany._ He wrote this song, for Tsukasa's birthday.

Leo must've lost track of time, because the song has ended. Tsukasa sighs in relief, before the video cuts.

Without thinking, he lays out the sheets of music he just finished, and snaps a picture. Sending it to Ritsu, he adds _'Teach him this!!!’_ . The reply isn't immediate, but Ritsu eventually replies with _'Maybe, if I can be bothered’_.

Leo hadn't thought of the possibility that Tsukasa might end up playing his pieces. Thinking of the younger boy again, a mental image comes to mind. A bold young knight, fingers calloused and stained with blood, stepping into the throne room after a battle. He approaches the king with a great respect, but still firmly, taking the king's hand and placing a gentle kiss on it. Not for bravado, the room's empty, with no one to coo over the act. The knight makes his way to the center of the room, sitting down at the piano, effortlessly allowing his fingers to drift over the keys. Serenading the king through music notes drifting through the air, the two enjoy a moment of perfect harmony.

Ah, how he'd like to indulge in such a fantasy.

Instead, that fantasy becomes a concerto, each word - each breath - becomes a note, and their fine figures are drawn with sloppy blotches of ink. Faster, _faster_ , the story is transcribed through music, and Leo loses himself within it.

He doesn't eat dinner that night.

* * *

Tsukasa’s leaving soon.

It's inevitable, it always has been, but it's always seemed so far away. It's always seemed like Leo could keep holding on to Tsukasa and keep cutting into his future.

He knows it's cruel and selfish, but he can't help it. Seeing the redhead sitting besides him, as if nothing's wrong, makes his heart ache.

“Leader,” Tsukasa sighs, “ _please_ , stop clinging to me,” For emphasis, he tries to move his arm, and fails.

With a laugh, Leo pulls himself away and apologizes, “Aha, sorry, Suo! I just…” He doesn't really have an explanation, so he's makes something up, “Needed some of your inspiration!” Tsukasa nods apprehensively, and shrugs.

“Could you not use my _inspiration_ from besides me?” He inquires, eyes delicately poised on Leo. God, it should be illegal. Since when was someone allowed to be rich and talented, as well as absolutely stunning? (Since _never_ , that's when.)

“Hm, I wonder,” Leo starts, “Nope! It's impossible! So you've gotta stick with me, okay?” There he goes again, clinging to Tsukasa and praying that he won't leave, although the younger boy probably doesn't realize it. Tsukasa simply tsks. “Oh,” Leo says, “I wrote a new song, I want you to play it!” Curiosity blooms on Tsukasa's features.

“Really?” Leo nods, “Well, I wouldn't mind learning another song, but…” tensing up, Tsukasa looks to the ground, “Sakuma-senpai isn't really the most _pleasant_ instructor.” 

“That's not surprising at all, Suo!” Leo laughs, “But I still want you to learn it, so I'll have to teach you then! I'm not as good at piano, though.”

Tsukasa doesn't have a chance to reply before Leo is grabbing onto him again.

* * *

Today's the day. Today is the day Tsukasa leaves to start his studies abroad.

Today probably shouldn't be monumental for Leo, but it is. Because Tsukasa's leaving.

Everything they've built together, will be swept away. Like an intricate, beautiful castle made of cards, about to crumble to the ground. Should a king not be able to solve this? Should Leo really be content to let Tsukasa leave him? Yes, would be the logical answer. No, is what he thinks.

 _No_ is what he decides.

So in that moment, he pulls out his phone, and opens his calling app. Fumbling through contacts, he presses down on Tsukasa's, affectionately labeled Suo. The ring resounds a few times, before an electronic voice greets Leo. Of course, Tsukasa's probably busy, he probably has no time to waste with phone calls from troublesome former upperclassmen. Not giving up, Leo instead leaves a voice message:

_“Hey, Suo! We haven't talked properly in while, so I wanted to call you even though it's late! I just wanted to say this before I gave up, so listen well, okay?” He pauses for a moment, “Suo, no, Tsukasa… you're my most precious knight. I really don't want to see you go, but I don't really have a choice. You'll probably never see me again, but I still want to say… that I love you. Enjoy your studies! Uchuu!”_

And then, as if there's any hope left for him, Leo runs out towards the street, signalling for a taxi. Perhaps there still is hope left for him.

* * *

The universe decides to play nice with Leo - Tsukasa's flight is delayed. When he makes his way through the spinning door, which he finds fascinating to this day, three hours still remain until Tsukasa's flight. Because of the delay, travelers roam by the shops littered around the entrance, with loved ones at their sides. Leo wonders if he could count as a loved one. Approaching an attendant, he asks to make an announcement, and she complies.

_“Suo, I wanted to say goodbye in person, so come by the entrance, okay?”_

Now all he can do is hope.

Tsukasa does come. He's alone, with a suitcase at his side. A slightly irritated look graces his features. When he reaches Leo, they both pause awkwardly.

“Um,” Tsukasa starts hesitantly, “I got your voicemail.”

_Oh._

Leo had anticipated that he would never even bother to look at it, and yet he had. Not quite sure what he's doing, he grabs Tsukasa's hand and drags him off to a more secluded area.

"Uh, Leader,” Tsukasa says, “about it… When you told me you loved me, what did you mean?” He shakes his head in confusion, not pulling away from Leo's grasp on his hand.

“Tsukasa,” Tsukasa blinks when he hears his real name, but lets Leo speak, “When I told you I loved you, I meant it as a confession.”

“You mean, like a confession of a love?”

“A confession as in I really want to kiss you and hold you close right now, and never let go,” Leo blushes, but keeps his eyes trained on Tsukasa, “I love you like that, Tsukasa.”

Tsukasa's face is as red as his hair, and his lips quiver. He fumbles with his hands, finally deciding to clasp them together as he speaks:

“Then kiss me.”

And Leo does. He caresses Tsukasa's cheek, and leans in so their lips can meet. What's meant to stay as a chaste press of lips becomes deeper when Leo realizes just how enticed Tsukasa's lips are. Tsukasa presses against Leo desperately, clutching his shirt. When they part, he lets Leo bury his head in the crook of his neck, and leans towards his ear.

“Leo,” he whispers, “I love you, too.”

At this confession, Leo finds the courage to push Tsukasa's blazer out of the way and bites him. Tsukasa flinches and moves away.

“You can't do that, Leader!” He scolds, “What if someone sees?”

“No one will see, Suo,” Leo protests, “Besides, a mark like that will follow you across the sea, won't it?” The blush of Tsukasa's face only grows darker.

“Nrgh, stop it.” Leo laughs.

“Haha, sorry, Suo,” he pats his junior's head, “you're just really cute!” Tsukasa bites his lip and pouts.

“Either way, it's a bit late for a confession.”

“Better late than never!” Leo tells him, and it's true. “I still want to date, though… we can go long distance!” Tsukasa freezes before nodding.

“I guess so,” he's leaning into Leo's chest, so his words are slightly muffled. “And I'll still be visiting Japan often, so we’ll see each other often. Um, yes, I'd like to go out with you.”

Leo laughs and kisses the top of his head.

When the announcement comes asking that the passengers of Tsukasa's flight return to the gate, the two of them part. For a brief moment, their hands grasp together, like something intergalactic. Like Leo's some sort of non terrestrial, and he has to return to Earth. But he leaves with a promise that he'll return - he leaves with a promise that he'll always love Leo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, the "let's date" is so awkward but I don't know how else he would say it. He's the type to just say whatever, I think.


End file.
